These SH thoughts won’t leave no matter what. I tense up and feel like nothing will stop it except following through. I did safety statements and squeezed ice while RS held me and I am a bit calmer but he has to go to work tomorrow and I’ll be alone all day. I know this isn’t the perfect healthy plan but the only thing I can think of to guarantee my safety is take seroquel in the morning and sleep all day. I have my follow up surgical appt to get the stitches out which they said to still come to bc the stitches can’t stay in any longer. I just have to wear a double mask and the dr will be in PPE.

I just need to sleep otherwise I won’t be able to take it. I might go on a walk if I feel well enough because it is supposed to be 54.