The only people I had in my family who REALLY knew what depression actually was and how it presented itself (and what you could do about it) were my Dad and my brother. I lost them both tragically, because of cancers, only a year and a half apart, not long after my diagnosis. This was terribly-timed, horrifying, and devastating, in the most extreme sense. It took me years to recover the little ground I had previously gained.

Everyone else was openly denying that I had it, telling me I needed to,"exercise more", or they were downright dismissive, ( a certain miserable individual even opined to me, at length, about what she thought depression "really" was: an attempt at garnering lots of pitiful attention, combined with an over-arching case of laziness; i.e, she used it as an excuse to attack my character.).

We have a long way to go before the majority of people will grasp what it is we deal with, how it presents itself, and what we can actually do about it. It's one big reason people who have suffered from it go on to become educators and psych professionals.

I theorize, because I've seen it in their eyes and on their faces, that people are terrified of any kind of mental illness. The stigma attached to it all is still very powerful. It's also why they don't read-up or educate themselves about it. It's very much like old attitudes about cancer. And the less they understand, the easier it is to remain with their heads in the sand, and also keep the spectre of it at arm's length.

Psych professionals know that there are distinct differences between sadness, real grief, and depression (although they share some features). That's why they could create accurate diagnostic questionnaires to determine where a person is at, across a spectrum, and on a sliding scale (what you are suffering from, and how badly you are suffering).

It has to be said, here: Please try and take what you watch online with a grain of salt, until you can discuss it with a medical professional. A lot of what's out there is genuine and correct. But there is a percentage of presenters who only want to sell you their podcast subscriptions and books. And that requires no professional training, as well as the fact that people can claim to be anything they want to be, qualified or not, online. It's much safer to stick with clinical definitions of mood.

And, lastly, I wouldn't beat yourself up about the Christmas tree. It's normal to look at it with a slightly different attitude, after the holidays are all done. Especially if you are a neat-nik! We live in a rather cold, grey part of the world for much of the Winter, so we leave our lights, at least, and sometimes the tree, until my husband's birthday, early February. It keeps the living room feeling warm, especially at night. I've made that adjustment for him---I used to always have every thing put away by a certain date, too. But I've relaxed my rules, and I'm okay with it.

We have to cut ourselves some slack when we're not at our best. I've been where you are, and I wasted an awful lot of time and energy beating myself up. Depression is very good at getting us to do that. So, maybe just try chipping away at it little by little, too---starting with taking down what bothers you most.

I don't recall, maybe you mentioned this a while ago---are you seeing a doctor on a regular basis, and are you taking any medications? I meant to ask sooner.