I took 125mg of seroquel last night and I still woke up at 2:30am -4am, then woke up at 5:30 for good. After CR left for school I took another 150mg seroquel but only slept for 45 minutes and really only succeeded in making myself totally sedated but not sleeping. I started having a panic attack later so I added Xanax (just one) to that whole mess. I did fall back asleep for an hour around 1pm. I have only left my bedroom for food, bathroom, and my surgical follow up.

I ended up with three melted ice packs strewn around in bed with me. I still feel awful. I can’t tell ANYONE about the medication misuse because I’m sure I would be put in IP. They can’t help me there, it’s a waste of time. Id be willing to do an evening IOP but there’s only one around here and you have to go through their access center. It’s attached to a psych hospital so if I went through access they could still decide on IP first followed by IOP.

Good news is my incision looks good, got the stitches out, and I don’t have to wear my wrist brace anymore. So tonight I’m going to take a nice long hot shower and tomorrow I’m going to dye my hair. I’m naturally a dark brunette but a few weeks ago I added red and it looks nice. Still natural but more auburn. It’s fading out though so I’m going to touch it up. It’ll give me something to do. Maybe I’ll try to finish my book. I got two more from my book of the month club which look very cool and interesting so I’m four in the hole now and gotta get cracking.

Ugh. Tomorrow I finally see pnurse and my therapist. I go back to work on Wednesday even though I don’t want to. I’m struggling there too. Went in late, left early, and/or took long breaks at home last week every day. I’m really going to try to work the whole day on Wednesday.