Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer
I think a lot was read into what I wrote that wasn't intended.
There are several prominent people in my life who are women who endured and overcame huge obstacles on their own. Some of them raised their families alone. I've supported and mentored tradeswomen on the job. I work with educated accomplished women, and have been told repeatedly how they feel treated as equals by me. I have recommended women for positions of responsibility above me, even if I have seniority, if they are capable.
I'm not implying women need men.
My wife has berated me for my uselessness for years. My wife has had a lot to say to me about how much she contributes, whether financially, child rearing, meals, house work, etc, and how poorly I contribute by comparison.
I believed her. I wrecked myself for years to do more, and apologized I wasn't accomplishing more in those domains.
Well, one month apart, and I'm doing ok. And I think she's realizing maybe this wasn't a well thought out idea.
As for what's wrong with being alone... Nothing.
But she isolated herself a lot, and those times spent ruminating effected her thinking. I imagine it's worse now. She assumed the kids would be with her at least 50-50, despite them telling her no. They don't trust her, won't drive with her, and don't want to live with her. And they are old enough to choose. She has about 2-3 hrs a week of interaction with the kids.
Her insistence that her friends were her family and that she was better off relying on them than me is now also being tested. I did a lot to support her in every way. The women who encouraged her to join them on the dating scene and leave me are now her circle.
Again... No, women don't need men. I was told I was useless and her friends told her it was easy to exploit men for free help. She seems naive that women can be exploited and preyed on as well.
Again... Nothing wrong with living alone. But I worry about how it's effecting her. I know this isn't what she was expecting. I worry FOR her with that thinking, and I worry ABOUT how it's going to emerge.
I don't hate her, I'm not angry at her. She was my partner at one time. I wish all this was different.
I'm sorry that what I said caused this misinterpretation.
RDMercer
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Oh don’t be sorry, we are just having a discussion.
I think perhaps your wife does need to hit the rock bottom with realizing that treating others badly, how she treated you and the kids, will result with them distancing themselves.
And being strong and independent doesn’t mean find random men to do things for you.
She needs life lesson. Women who exploit men eventually all fall face down (same with men exploiting women). It isn’t viable long term plan. She’ll find out pretty soon. Also honestly you did so much for her. She is very naive that she’ll find men willing to take her on and do things for her. Her friends teach her stuff that’s not even realistic. This is 2023. Not 1823. Most men have no interest in helpless women. Those times are over
Will see if she decides she needs to come home. It’s bizarre she rented a place she might not be able to pay rent on. Very strange. Naive woman thought you’d sell a house in a hurry. One should never rent or buy places they can’t afford on their own