I've been depressed for a while now and the last week or so it's been getting worse. I was supposed to see my pdoc in person today but she emailed me last night to ask if I was sure I wanted to drive up there because of potentially bad weather. I said the weather was ok but could we do virtual anyway because I'm exhausted from not sleeping. She said of course, moved my time up to one that was more convenient (probably for her too) and so I did therapy virtually too (usually I drive to therapy (1 hr 15 minutes from here and then my pdoc is another hour from there).

So she was concerned. She is increasing my nighttime gabapentin and klonopin a lot and my Emsam patch is increasing 3 days per week. I'm going to be tired for a while. But I'm tired now from not sleeping so I'd rather be tired from meds.


I'm so glad I didn't have to drive up there. I wanted to call and ask to change to virtual but I hate making more work for whoever has to change the appointment back (I requested to go from virtual to in-person last week when I thought it was better for her to just see me).

I really hope this works. I'm so tired I'm saying and typing the wrong words and the depression is considerably worse than 10 days ago when my therapist did a depression check-list with me. I should have asked him to do another today but I hate those things.

3 more hours until I take the big dose of sedatives. I can't wait.