Ughh, the hardness of some doctors. I have run into that (over and over again, literally). It makes going to see a doctor extremely stressful.

I suspect the pandemic has burned a lot of medical professionals right out, or has brought them very close to it. My own doctor decided to "leave medicine" in October (she's been practicing for less than 10 years.). I haven't even been able to follow-up on recommendations made in the Summer, because now, I have to begin the process of finding a new GP all over again. It's tough here in Canada.

I share your disappointment at their stoic unresponsiveness. I've had several which I wondered whether they were actually autistic, or clinically anti-social. It doesn't take very much to be kind, actually. I don't know why they can't manage it.

Hang in there. Just about everything you've written, I've thought about at one point or another.

I have been doing the one-day-at-a-time approach for years now, borrowed straight from AA. At times, I felt so defeated; nothing to show for all my struggles. Mostly, I kept going because of the people around me---my husband, my mother-in-law, and my one sister, who I still adore. I have found having an external reason to keep on the path is actually a very good one. That, and the fact that I still had dreams to fulfill.

My hypotheses about why people act as they do are just that--- educated guesses. I would never claim to know ALL the answers. But the older I get, and the more I educate myself about other people's issues and about relationships, the more I can relax, and let go.

I've been through a lot. But looking back, I can say for certain that I am stronger now than I have ever been.

Wishing you glimmers of light, and reasons to fight on!