I just took my new, higher doses of sleep meds. I'm so afraid they won't work and I'll feel this tired tomorrow. I have permission to take even more if I'm awake in the night.


I hate when depression makes me feel negative about the stupidest things. If I don't sleep my pdoc will help me sleep. I have an extremely sedating AP that can be increased if we have to. Etc. I'm just feeling tired, scared and negative. I know that's the depression talking because I also feel fairly sure this will work but I just don't trust it.

It reminds me of when I was in the hospital starting Emsam. I had less than 30% chance it would work so I was being cautious. The morning I started it all the staff were excited for me and I was as happy as I could be but this stupid art therapist was leading group and couldn't understanding I was feeling reserved because I knew this would either be a wonder med or a difficult situation. I was happy, just not jumping up and down happy. Later, when it worked, that's when I celebrated. I feel the same reservation. It will go away.