And now I am kicking myself for calling my husband and for accepting roses from him. I should not have let him come over. I should not have called him. I am weakening under all the pressure and stress of not having a job and from being alone.

The only upside right now is my mother bought me a membership to the local YMCA - I swam laps for 20 minutes yesterday - the first time in years that I have done that. And it feels good!

I have also lost 11 pounds since I was at my heaviest and when I was with my husband. I am 2 pounds away from where I was when I got married. I want to lose another 8 pounds to get down to where I was when I first met my husband.

So, I am starting to exercise now and I am losing the extra weight I put on since meeting my husband. Those are 2 good things in my life right now.

I have 2 interviews this week - one for a company I don't think would work out for me. HR in this company told me that the manager who would supervise me has super high expectations. That's exactly how it was in my last job - I failed and was let go as a result! I am terrified of this company now and of the hiring manager. And what's ironic is that he is a graduate/alumni of my college. This job is a stretch for me because it's a managerial role, supervising the Digital Marketing Lead, who likely has many years of experience in the field. I am not ready to lead a mid-career level employee. Junior employees, sure, but not mid-level.

The other company focuses on eCommerce retail customers - enterprise level - meaning that their websites are over 10,000 pages or even in the millions. This job is also a stretch for me because I have limited enterprise eCommerce experience. I have SOME, but not a LOT. They may want/need someone with a lot of that specific experience to succeed in their company.

Those are the only interviews I have at the moment - and I have one month before I need to dip into the bank loan I took out.