Seriously, why is this so damn difficult. I really, really, really didn't want this to be about the relationship, again. I really hoped that we could skip this chapter. I hate the push/pull phase. I hate it. I wish I could just get on with it. I wish that this wasn't coming up. But it is. We are here. Do I ignore it? Try and work around it? Or do we try and work with it.

Sometimes I wish you wouldn't say anything, you know, because right now it seems that you just can't say the right things. It feels like there is something going on, at your end, and I wish you could deal with it please. I think that you are scared that I want more from you than you can/will provide. I think, in some wat, that you are scared of me. I could be making it all up, but I really don't think that I am. I feel it. I sense it. I can hear it in your voice and how quickly you jumped to defending what you said. I hear it in your words, not just today but over the last few weeks I think.

I do hope that we can get through this bit quickly, but I need you to be less defensive. I need you to be more reassuring and more gentle. Just for now. Just while we navigate this hurdle. Please. I don't need challenging right now. I don't need science right now.

Oh, and how you can possibly think that I feel a connection with you as I have my back to you, terrified of you, trying to think of a way I can make myself disappear is beyond me. What planet are you on? You may feel a connection, but I sure as hell don't.