Hi, sorry to hear about all of these things going on. My grandma had dementia too, and spent her last years in a care home. I've also worked in elderly care, where you see lots of people suffering with dementia.

It sounds like you have gone above any beyond looking after your family, they are so lucky to have you. So many people in care homes have no visitors and no one outside to care for them.

It is horrifying to watch someone decline so rapidly. The images really do stick with you for a while. Try not to block them out, if possible can you sit with your emotions, wrote a poem, a letter to your grandma? I know she won't read it but it may help with your feelings. The more we try to push the feelings down, the more likely they are to appear in random situations (like when you were with your girlfriend).

The pain you feel is so strong because you love her very much. Take it one day at a time and look after yourself in every way you can.