Heya all checking in and need to vent some . At work and I feel like I'm falling apart inside .
I am so afraid of loosing her . She says she won't make any decisions for a month or two and tells me that actions speak louder then words and she still loves me but as this goes along she is acting stronger and I feel myself getting weaker and falling into deeper depression.
I'm a mess . I am accepting fault for things I don't believe I'm even doing out of hope that it will make her happy.

Her perception is often not reality and I feel like I'm helpless going for the ride. When she has had a couple drinks her words become so cruel . In those moments It feels like she got what she wanted out of me and now will take half of everything along with what's left of my soul .
I am currently working full time and doing all the shopping and property maintenance while she drinks and watches TV after work but yet I'm not doing.enough supporting her enough through this and not understanding her situation enough . How can I understand having my heart torn out ?
Her birthday is coming up in a few days and I want to something nice for her but she says she doesn't want anything.special.

Feeling really low ATM what the hell do I do ?