Well anyway last night I got a message on one of my photos how are you still single? It was painful to me but to be honest it's only through talking to someone that I realized I have major trauma over relationships, which explains why I hate those shows married at first sight. It just it's so painful to me I guess it's my makes sense with my relationship trauma but also I understand now why I would be on the defensive and see it as an invasive question someone asking that. Like I understand where that's coming from whereas before I just thought it was weird. My biggest fear is being abused in a relationship that's something that I'll always have. I wish I didn't feel that way but it is what it is. It less painful to me to be alone forever than to have a partner even though I also really want one. It is so weird how split I feel about it. I guess I can also see why he'd think I'm a bit paranoid about someone asking me that and me being like is that a genuine question. Will anyway, it's a huge pain and does affect how I even have friendships it's always been easier to just push people away there's no risk of being abused or mistreated but yeah it caused me to isolate myself for years. That's a huge realisation and explains why I often obsess about relationships there's so much trauma there it just explains my fear and worry.