Quote:
Originally Posted by Open Eyes
Oh how awful! Please do not burden yourself with any guilt about her challenge ((sadmanagain)). There is literally nothing you can do to fix this challenge in her. She isn’t really angry at you but at the way this is crippling her. Unfortunately a lot of anger comes out as it’s bad enough she went through what she described and now she relives it in such an intrusive way that it can get downright frustrating. She really should be seeing a specialist for this, not a social worker.
Her anger at you more than likely is about her no longer being capable of being close or intimate with you since this condition got activated. It’s a terrible thing to be afraid of your own mind that can suddenly get crippled by flashbacks that can get very debilitating.
It’s not that she is divorcing you personally, but anything you might do that can trigger her to having a terrible ptsd reaction. It’s a very hard thing for others to understand and equally so for the one suffering.
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Thanks for the support, I really appreciate it. It's hard not to accept blame for this situation when she pretty much keeps blaming me without considering how her perception may be skewed by what she is going through and has gone through.
I'm a fixer in my thought processes in my career as well as in life and all my instincts scream out "you can fix this. If only you did blank, it will be alright" her very comments about the situation suggest the same thing .
I feel so defeated by this situation and potential loss of what matters the most to me (Her being a part of my life) that I struggle to accept that I have any value at all . I often get stuck and wonder if perhaps it is all my fault.
Eventually I realize that I'm a good person (not perfect but no one is) who is trying to do something almost impossible uphill the whole way . That feeling never lasts because I quickly go right back to worrying about loosing her and then accept that I'm a bad person and the depression starts hitting hard again. How can I help myself with that feeling ?
The other day on the radio at work a Fleetwood Mac song
Rhiannon came on with the chorus " would you stay if she promised you heaven? ...Would you ever win ? " then at the end there is another chorus "Dreams Unwind, Love's a state of mind"
I don't want to loose her but this really speaks to me.
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I wish she would see a specialist but she feels that she has a good connection with her current one who she has been seeing for a few years now and does not wish to change and its not my place to suggest what therapy she uses (boundaries)
I hear what you are saying but in the end a divorce is a divorce from my point of view no matter the reason. This whole situation sucks and all I can do is be the best man I can be and support her and hope perhaps she may decide not to divorce in a couple months. It's just so difficult keeping my head up through all this but If I don't I'm sure I'll push her into divorce for sure .