i know this might sound insensitive and i don't in anyway mean it too... but maybe re-frame the memory... the 4th of july is independence day... maybe think of it as the day you became independent and are able to celebrate the freedom of healing of past wounds.... i understand how enmeshed we become with our abusers... i know i love my father, but at the same time he abused me... my dad was always my hero... my dad's birthday was july 5th and he passed on july 6th... his funeral was on july 9th... my middle son's 2nd birthday... so i understand how your feeling... the 4th was always my favorite holiday... and after he died it took a long time to get to the place i could just function... let alone enjoy it... lynda