I’m not sure where to post issues related to bipolar disorder but influenced by psychosis. I guess schizophrenia or schizoaffective disorders are close to being the same. But I’m going to post in bipolar, since it’s the most active part of my problem.

I have depression and psychosis right now. Tomorrow I might have giddy hypomania but reduced psychosis. Under the mood changes is the foundational sense that certain people want me out of their life -even when they haven’t said so, or told me the opposite or even complemented me. It happens with people I have revealed my heart to usually. I can think of 2 people in particular.. a guy who has been very good to me, we used to play in a band together. I always feel like I’m overreaching my welcome and that he says things behind my back about how dramatic I am. The other person is a woman who I let myself fall in love with. This disorder makes me paranoid so I worried she was wanting to hire another to take my place. (We’re in a band too). So I got very jealous and tried to make her feel left out and hurt by saying something dumb on Facebook. She noticed, we fought about it for several weeks, and she said she’s forgiven me. But I still feel like she’s not being honest and that she wants to replace me.

Whatever disorder I have, it makes not believing my hurt emotions very hard. In other words it’s hard to believe the truth of the matter.

I can perceive the truth but I can’t ever feel it, unless I’m in a hypomanic state. And that’s not good because I do risky things when I’m hypomanic.

I just need someone to help me process these emotions so that I can see the truth clearly.

Thanks for reading this.