I'm trying to take my own advice and stay grounded in reality.

I have to not get caught up in the fantasy of him, which is easy enough for me to do. And in being away from him for this long, it makes it easier to have abuse amnesia, when he's only exhibiting loving and supportive qualities. Abuse amnesia is a real thing. It happens to most abuse victims after they've left their abuser and once the abuser is love bombing & hoovering again, trying to win the victim back over.

My husband had to save me yesterday from -10 degree weather. My apartment temperature inside was only 57 degrees!!!! It was freezing, despite my setting the heat to 75 degrees. My apt is old and the windows and doorways are very drafty, allowing the cold to seep in.

Well, Friday and Sat were extremely cold here, so yesterday, my husband brought me free space heaters to use to warm up my apt. I needed them and didn't have the money to purchase any myself.

So, we're in touch and he's being the loving and supportive partner I want. And I am trying hard now to stay grounded in the reality of him - yeah, he's great now, but the patterns and bad behaviors will inevitably repeat themselves.

My landlord came by yesterday and we talked about it. I told him that I just cannot give this another chance, after already trying 2-3 different times. I didn't tell him that my husband is abusive. He doesn't need to know this.

Anyways, I am saying this all for myself, to come back to and re-read. I think that people who have never been in an abusive relationship have a lot of trouble understanding just how hard it is to leave, especially when they are love bombing you and showing you all their best traits.

But I have a metaphor that helps me. The two dozen roses he brought last week? They were amazingly beautiful to start with and overwhelming in a good way. Then quickly, those roses died and started drooping. I liken this to him and how he is - amazing in the beginning, but that quickly fades and changes into something else that I don't want and which needs to be thrown away.

So, I am not going to be foolish again in thinking that this time, it's truly different because it isn't any different. HIs words are just that - only words. And his actions do not back up his words - repeatedly.

I wrote in my journal at one point: How much evidence do you need to prove that he is toxic and unhealthy for you? I have plenty of evidence.

But now we're back in touch, and I am holding him at arm's length, resisting all of his advances and invitations. I am being stronger than I've been in the past.