I've collected SSDI for several years now. Before that, for four years I was on and off full and sometimes part-time private disability through my last job. During that four year period, I clocked over two years either inpatient or in PHPs or IOPs (partial/intensive outpatient programs). Some of the time I worked during that period (mostly part-time and for a bit full), I either struggled, greatly, or gradually became manic to the point of "mental explosion" -- full tilt! When that happened, I had achieved a project that ultimately saved the company big bucks, but at the cost of my brain. I was on the verge of a huge promotion that never happened because of the final straw -- just short of 10 years at that particular company.

During these years on SSDI, I either functioned very poorly (early years) or made some progress towards possible future work again. But when I dipped my toes into more responsibilities, I soon after faultered, especially when adding too many too soon. Usually taking multiple steps backwards, as a result. However, in recent years, I have very gradually made some progress, but the progress mostly equals what a good housewife (sans children) was known to do, plus some extras. I have here and there done some bit of writing (non-paid) and teeny bit of research and editing for a book my husband worked on, but that's it. The whole preparations for our move to Europe, settling in, and my bit of contribution for our upcoming home is the limit to my capabilities, while still maintaining reasonable stability. And I'm proud of these accomplishments! Fact is, what my ambitions were at age 20 and 30, do not apply to the me of 50+. I won't call the me now as lesser, though. What I've survived and achieved these past 18 years is A LOT! A huge job and achievement in and of itself. One could liken my journey of recovery to "learning to walk again". Walking, but certainly not planning or able to do any hundred yard dash...perhaps ever again. But I am "walking", even if slowly.

This is just my journey. We are not all the same here.