Quote:
Originally Posted by TheGal
@ willowtigger, thanks for your feedback...
After a night's sleep, I feel differently about the situation.
I think she might very well be a narcissist, or close to it.
She didn't say she was sorry, she said instead 'I'm sorry that you feel that way." Essentially pinning it all on me.
She also, during her diatribe, said that she studied narcissists and can be better at their 'game' than they are.
That sounds pretty narcissistic to me. What do you all think?
I think her crying on the phone was crocodile tears to ensnare me somehow...
In short, I don't think she respects me.
And I think I've been a fool.
I'd be interested in more feedback.
Thank you... |
It's very suspect to me that SHE cried when you tell her that YOU are hurt. That's not empathy. That's taking the focus and turning it onto herself. She is crying because she did something that hurt you and because her actions are being confronted...she's not crying because you are hurt and she feels hurt for you.
"I'm sorry you feel that way" can be an acceptable apology depending on the context around it. For example "I am so sorry you feel that way. It was never my intent to make you feel that way, and I'm sorry I did. Please know I don't want you to feel this way. I won't do that again." That would be sincere because they are sorry you feel the way you do and they acknowledge that despite that not being their intent, that it was the impact of their actions.
But "I'm sorry you feel that way. You misinterpreted me." OR "I'm sorry you feel that way. You took it wrong." Are not apologies. They are veiled or backhanded apologies that put the blame back on you, just like a backhanded compliment is actually a veiled insult.
I don't mind if someone starts an apology that way if the rest of the conversation is sincere and they do actually care. But if the conversation is turning it back onto me, then I will call them out on that.
Gal, I think what you've discovered is that this friend isn't a "safe" person to share to. I have discovered recently that some of my hobby groups are not as safe as I thought, and that's okay, I just know what I'm there for and how much I care to share. I know who the people in my life I can trust with the bigger, serious things are. You have to decide if she's someone you want a relationship with and at what level, with what boundaries or if it's just too much work to watch boundaries with her.