Yes, I, too, have been codependent in my life, so I can understand how it works.

And trauma bonding is an addiction. When you read up on it, you will learn that in fact, your brain chemistry changes through the cycles of abuse, and you desire the highs of the good times so badly that you forget all the bad things.

I say "you" here in the general sense of you - meaning us, and those of us who have suffered abuse.

Education HELPS, I can tell you that. When you're stuck in the emotional pull towards your significant other, those emotions can be SO powerful and strong that they can overpower all reason and logic - exactly how addiction works. It overpowers a person, and all logic and reason go out the window.

Education on codependency, abusive relationships and the trauma bond can really help you to detach, be much more grounded in reality and also loosen the addiction that has a hold on you. I watch helpful and educational YouTube videos on the subject and they help to strengthen my resolve.

And, my husband right now is fighting the divorce with all of his efforts - he is being sweet and kind and the "good guy" I initially loved. BUT, I know from friends and family who have observed me that I am in fact, better off without him. They tell me I seem happier, lighter, full of life again and more like my normal self. When I was with him, in contrast, I was deadened, not myself, stressed, overburdened and I got lost. I lost who I was because it was always always about HIM. I catered to his every need & lost myself as a result. The people closest to me say I seem much more full of life now.

So, keep holding onto the fact that your life is much more peaceful without her presence. And that the boys are happier. I bet you, yourself, are in fact happier, when you really reflect on it.

I suggest further educating yourself and using resources to help strengthen your logical brain functioning and to loosen the addiction to the good times.