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I don't think this needs to be a "my way or the highway" situation. Obviously your husband is interested in BDSM and findom (being financially dominated by a Dom). Do you think his interests began after you married, or did you have any clues before your marriage? I think it would ultimately be a mistake, if you "file for divorce immediately!" as some people may suggest. If you truly love him, or are in love with him (do you? Are you?), a divorce won't stop your feelings. A divorce would only confuse things.
When people have a serious relationship with someone, they usually find out that their partner has some things they don't necessarily like or condone. I've never in my life seen a couple that agreed on everything 100%; I doubt such a relationship exists. But, I've seen many couples who work together on an addiction (substance use, alcohol, sexual issues).
It's my belief that one of the wonderful, positive things about being in a relationship is that a relationship challenges us to do our own self-growth.
I strongly suggest you have a sit-down and a civil discussion with your husband. Don't accuse or judge; put that on a shelf during the discussion. Listen to him, and to his reason(s) why he is visiting the findom sites, etc. A lot of what's going on may be rooted in your husband's childhood experiences.
And, plenty of couples are into BDSM or other alternative ways of expressing fantasies. If you are, great. Whether you are or are not, I do believe that marriage counseling would be a terrific way to work on your marriage, communication, financial stuff, etc.
Good luck!
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Last edited by *Beth*; Feb 06, 2023 at 12:56 PM.
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