Welcome to MSF, ComplicatedHurt. I'm sorry I probably don't have a lot to offer with regard to all of this. (Hopefully there will be other MSF members who will have insights they can share.) To me, it simply sounds as though you became involved with a woman who has a lot of personal problems... a "rebound relationship" so to speak. Based on what you wrote, it doesn't sound as though you did anything wrong.

Why can't you just let it go? Perhaps you're still feeling vulnerable as a result of the break-up of your marriage on top then having the experience you describe with this woman while also exploring your sexuality and having been ill on top of it all? That's a lot to deal with in a relatively brief period of time. It's not surprising to me you'd feel raw. Plus, I think, anytime someone repeatedly, and unfairly, impugns your character it's difficult to let something like that go.

At least those are my thoughts regarding your post. Hopefully coming here to MSF can be of some small help. Best wishes...