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I saw a lot of flowers on the drive to see my therapist! The very first of spring flowers. So far, bright yellow sorrel all over the place and the beginnings of the light pink flowering plum trees. If I were a tiny, tiny fairy I could sleep on the pink petal of one of those pretty little pink flowers.
But it's very windy and chilly.
I had an excellent session with my t; productive. I was embarrassed, though, because she said she was "somewhat upset" (the way t's say that, and it makes you feel like your favorite teacher said it to you) about me telling the pharmacy I accidentally threw out my bottle of Prozac so I could get an extra bottle and increase my dose. Although, she said, I wasn't doing it to get high, but just to feel normal, so it's a "grey area."
Well, yes. I am using it to feel normal. S. refused to prescribe a standard dose of Prozac so I could emerge from that awful depression, so I prescribed it for myself. And I did the right thing, since I feel stable and alive. I certainly don't regret my decision.
But Mary told me that she does love me and the reasons why. Her words meant a lot to me, because I trust her.
I have been 100% straight and honest with Mary in the 4 years I've been in therapy with her, but since she's used the term "drug seeking" I don't think I'll mention the Valium I have. At least, not at this time. I hate feeling ashamed. I don't know, I think I'll tell her about the Valium after my first appointment with the new pdoc later this month.
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