It's been a bad day. I just took a shower, crying while I did. That's all I did today.

My purpose here is to get through this depressive episode and end this thread with a post saying I'm back to normal. I am not here to go on singing the blues forever. Everyone has been generous and patient. Thank you all for being so nice.

Always my "episodes" blow over, after a time. Maybe 10 days. Maybe 2 weeks. Not 2 months plus, like this. I'm horrified. I'm thinking of telling my provider (a P.A.) that this is just getting worse. I hate to do that. I figure she'll just be thinking, "What do you think I can do about it?" She agreed to increase my antidepressant.

I don't need to go inpatient. Maybe talking to someone would help. That's not easy to get.

I know the whole problem is that I stay alone in my apartment way too much. I'm not forgetting the suggestion that I go to the community center near me and see what's going on there. I know the longterm solution is for me to find where I can go to be involved in something with other people. I did join a gym. I just haven't gone.

I think I know what I have to do. Somehow I got stuck, like my foot got caught in a trap, and I'm not moving to do anything I should do.

Something's got to give because this is too awful.