So I went to the urgent care psych as support for my boys. They're both on new psych regimens with new diagnosis. They're still dealing with my lack of preauth. So I don't know what can be done by tomorrow they said call them back. My PCP said they can't do anything until the 22 when they see me. I don't know what to do. Maybe go back to the urgent clinic Wednesday when I officially run out. This is rediculous. H is upset I didn't take the prozac or lamictal when offered last time but I wanted to give this med a real chance. But by doing so I hurt them BAD. H brings it up often so I know it's in the front of his mind. I just wish I could take everything back. He'll I don't even want to be here. I'm not suicidal but just want to sit in an abyss until I can lean to be human again just being out of bed today going as a support person was a lot for me. I'm not hospital level yet but I feel comfortable and okay with my depression. I've made friends with it. Like I don't want to even move from bed and crying is a sport I'd win at if there was a winner. I'm not even devoting that much time to crying just the feeling like any second I will burst into tears and won't get it under control. The guilt is justified, hopelessness is there. ( I don't even want to self harm because I'd screw it up and land in the hospital. Like I want to so badly that I'd take it to far. So I just don't) I just don't know what to do at this point. I can't see a psychiatrist until after I see my PCP but I can't see my PCP until later this month and the scariest thing is how okay I am with it. I don't want to go back I don't want to bother anyone I'm fine rotting in a corner until it's my turn in line. At the same time I'm in this weird place which getting worse isn't really possible.