Tonight was tough...Perhaps just a bad day but I don't know.

I got home and she was 4 drinks in and continued as the evening went on . She just kept saying hurtful thing after hurtful thing . I suggested to her how cruel she is being and critical she is being of me and she responds with " I hate myself because I have become you " Yet meanwhile I'm staying calm albeit heartbroken and sad and just letting her know she is hurting me , nothing more . She uses phrases like "I'm just being brutally honest" while she's 4 drinks in.... altered perception much ? She sees everything as an attack and blames me for stuff I am not even doing or brings up stuff from years ago that was already settled ??? If it's not that it's "it feels to me like" insert inaccurate assumption about hubby here. Her perception is not always reality.

She talks more at the moment about whether or not ill look for someone else before the papers are finalized IF that's (divorce) what we end up doing in 2 months then she does about saving the marriage .
As if that piece of paper saying divorced means anything if she wants me out of her life ... I'm not saying I'd be looking right away as I want to save this marriage but if she want to evict me from her life and her mind is made up, I should have to suffer longer till she has her paper ?? Plenty of talk about how she has to decide if it's worth the risk to try again for us or how she can't decide if it's too late already.

My best friend of 33 years is telling me to bail and how I'm getting taken advantage of but I feel like I'd be bailing on what I want most If I did that, The woman I love who is sick...what about "in sickness and in health" Even a slim chance is better then giving up isnt it ?