i am struggling very much with thoughts of an ex-lover that i had an affair with. it was a very short (one month) affair, but extremely intense. it was as emotional as it was physical - we were ex-coworkers that always seemingly had a connection but had never met (both working remotely). but i had an episode and her and i started messaging and it progressed veeeeery quickly (within 3 days i was making plans to leave my wife and had moved out of my house and got an apartment). we made all sorts of plans and had some incredible sex and also had a really wonderful, strong, and real connection. i do believe that we did somehow fall in love that quickly. but as my episode waned i realized the damage i was causing to my wife and our kids and i broke it off and also broke my lease and moved back home. obv this was devastating to eveyrone around me for different reasons.

i still think of her almost every day, and even though i love my wife i still daydream about a life with this other woman. occasionally we will exchange very brief emails that just say "missing you" or some such. sometimes i want to be with her so badly it hurts.