So I know I have dark parts of my personality things I've done I'm well aware I just want to know how I would forgive myself and reconcile those parts of myself that I feel like aren't worth forgiveness. When I tell people about my past and the stuff I feel so awful about people do forgive me it's me that carries the shame. My mum has forgiven me she has never held my mistakes against me but I have that high standard of myself because I don't ever want her to feel that pain again. Everyday I'm doing more to become aware of my reactions and inattention due to my mind wondering somewhere else. I know that sometimes she still thinks I'm gross she thought I put blood on a sock and left it on the couch. I told her it wasn't blood we had this argument she then gets the sock from the bin and realizes it's not blood. I have an emotional back down just because I feel like I'm not doing enough to be better I find tafe stressful I want to do more, I want her to be proud of me I want that approval so bad.