I am not having the emotional dysregulation crying meltdown panic attacks anymore! I said my piece, albeit angrily, and disengaged. I am sticking to one direction now, as this way is how I truly feel. He keeps acting in antagonizing ways instead of bridge building ways, so I am continually feeling the path of separation. I have spoken with a new therapist who validated to me the intentionally harmful things he did, and the gravity of it all is really hitting me now. It is interesting how the journey through therapists transpired. When I was shocked in trauma as it originally happened, I was deemed as the one with the mental health problem. Now, in hindsight to the events, it is clear his behavior hits all the points in the cycle of abuse. It feels good to finally see it clearly. Not that there is nothing wrong with me, there is the whole underlying trauma from FOO, but as I kept saying, it isn’t all me.