Strong self harm thoughts right now. I’m working on emotional eating as well and it’s hard to do both but they’re almost equally unhealthy so it’s a necessary evil. If I binge I feel terrible about myself so it’s just as bad if not worse than if I didn’t. If I were to self harm I wouldn’t feel bad about myself, just scared of hurting RS. He’s made me promise to be safe and if he can’t trust me what do we really have. So I had a food treat but stopped myself from completely bingeing. Had to come to a compromise.

Ugh I just want to be well again, I want these thoughts to just leave my head and leave me alone. Work was quite overwhelming today, it was very very loud, it would have been even without all the random noises the nonverbal kids make. sounds are just too loud right now. My hearing is super sensitive, as it gets during bad episodes.

I just want everything to stop. My brain says to do something the real me doesn’t want to do and it’s hard to just say no.