I am so very, very sorry you are in the situation you describe in your post. You mention that you stopped taking your meds. Did you do this gradually under the supervision of a physician? Sudden discontinuation of mental health meds can often lead to distressing outcomes and unimaginable suffering. You probably already know this.

I know that the side effects of meds can be brutal sometimes but losing one's peace of mind and joy of living can be even worse.

I went off my meds because of side effects and all kinds of horrible things happened to me. Wish I knew what to say to help you. Hopefully others here will have better words for you than my poor words. My heart goes out to you!

Please go to a hospital emergency department for help. None of us here are mental health professionals and you deserve the best that is available. We wouldn't want to lose you!