Update, what a difference taking care of myself has done for me.

My Ex and I have met and came to terms on our divorce settlement and are waiting for the paralegal to draw up the papers. They said they are busy but we both should be able to sign a summary divorce decree around March 1st.

That will fast track us in the process we should have a mandatory 60 day waiting period where after the judge can officially dissolve our marriage.

We still get along as before but I do not have the same feelings anymore. I'm talking to a therapist and I realized how toxic the relationship was for me as an individual. We are still good together for the kids but being in a one sided relationship has put me in a depressed state for years. I just didn't have a zest for life.

I've been doing yoga and getting out more. Went to a divorce support group and that helped to see other people in even worse situations than myself and they managed.

I've gone on a few dates during this time and have been honest with them about my situation. I was surprised how many women were ok with my situation it gives me hope for the future. I really didn't feel a connection with any that I've met so, I mostly have gone on coffee dates and kept things just friends , even though I know some are wanting more. I am not looking for just a physical connection without a emotional one.

I told one potential date about my situation and she asked if we could just be friends and I said sure. She seemed really nice and positive.

We met in the beginning of Feb and I am blown away by her. She has been divorced 10 years and has adjusted to life has two grown kids , is a teacher and has a passion for her job. I found myself instantly attracted to her , not just from a physical perspective but an emotional one as well as we shared so much in common. We want the same things in life have similar dreams .

I was feeling something that I thought I would never feel a real connection that I've been missing for a decade being with my Ex.

The funny thing is my friend felt it too. She started showing an interest after meeting and we talked for hours and at the end of the date , I kissed her. It felt right and it was amazing.

So we are dating now, I'm hesitant to tell my ex as I'm not trying to rub anything in her face , but even though she was encouraging me to date , I just don't want to make any big changes or introduce my ex to her until we sign the agreement with attorneys.

She knows im going out, but I make sure we communicate our schedules and spend time with the kids.

I also see this relationship growing in the future but I'm taking things slow and enjoying going out and spending time with someone who is growing to care for me and giving me things I've been missing and thought I would never have again. It's helped my self esteem and I'm finding joy in doing little things again.

So I'm excited for the future for the first time in a very long time in actually happy. I'm continuing to heal and work on myself while I get the divorce done and move into the co parenting arrangement.

When I see my ex , I don't have feelings anymore, I don't have anger or frustration, I hope she can find happiness again too. We don't hate each other and that's good.

I know that I and the person I am dating will feel better once my ex signs and the divorce finishes.

For now I'll continue to build a foundation where I can move on and be happy again.

I'll update with the divorce situation once we sign hopefully before the end of the month. I am eager now for this to move forward. I think this should of happened many years ago. I was just stuck in denial and depression thinking that I had to stay for my kids sake. That somehow my ex would all of the sudden change and connect with me. I see how my mistakes contributed to this. In my new one I'll communicate and bring issues up and deal with things.

My situation is not ideal but I've found someone who seems to genuinely care about me and is willing to work with me despite my baggage and I want to make sure I can offer her the best me I can.

The hardest part is believing that I am worth something again after what I've endured not having love , I still can't believe someone would think so highly of me. I'm starting to feel my confidence and self worth coming back. I'm going to continue to cultivate this and move my life in a positive direction.