Why I am up 6:30 is beyond me-but for the last question, maybe ask if they have experience with attachment issues. Because that is all this is. Both of my T’s philosophies use attachment in some form, as part of our therapy. I mean that in the therapy relationship, not just general attachment. Though, I truly think Dr. T has either a very avoidant attachment issue, and he has never really worked on it-well I guess this can be an “and/or” situation-but that attachment is just not what he does. Which, I think we can all agree on. I worry that you will always bump into his “issues” around attachment, in some form, and you never will get relief.

My trauma T is completely fine with me writing emails. But, it has taken over a year to feel “ok” with it. There was one week where I wrote her on a Monday, which she responded to, but never responded to a “i am not doing well” type of email a couple of days later.
This was it! I finally reached her limits. I now will have to have “the talk” about emails. I am too much, etc.

I was a wreck, waiting for our session. I got there and was absolutely terrified when I walked in the room. She started off the session as she normally did, waiting to see what I want to talk about. I was way too anxious to even think straight. I was able to tell her how scared I was to talk to her about something. Then I cried for 10 minutes (and i am not a crier), while not being able to verbalize what was wrong.

I don’t remember how we got there, but she asked if the reason I was so upset was because she never responded to that email. I hung my head in shame as I nodded yes.

Then I cried more, because I was so filled with shame for being so needy, and now she saw it. She was awesome, though. She apologized, and said things got ahead of her, and she didn’t have time to write back. That it had absolutely nothing to do with me. She said she will try harder in the future to be more timely-in which I was like “Omg, no! I am a grown adult, I absolutely need to not freak out just because you didn’t write back to one email!”

Then she said that she has always encouraged emails, and it isn’t too much, nor was I being too needy.
I still have this fear, but since that session, it has diminished greatly. True to her word, she writes back.

I went a whole week without writing to her (lol) about a month ago. I told her I was proud that I didn’t capitulate, and write her that week. She responded that she was wondering how I was doing, because she hadn’t heard from me. That I don’t need to punish
myself because I feel like I am too much.

WOW-this turned into a novel, sorry! All of this is to say is that there are T’s out there who understand attachment wounds, and aren’t scared when
they pop up.