My APN had an opening for Thursday so I took it. I’m not hopeful. But maybe. There’s no magic quick fix. It’s just it’s dangerous for me sometimes.

Oh, Thursday is good!

I am quite ashamed of my feelings last night. I don’t really wish RS and CR weren’t in my life. I shouldn’t have said that. What if I wished it into the universe.

Just stop that, wfc. Everyone has those feelings about loved ones sometimes, and you're really battling right now. So stop that kind of thinking, please

I’m resigned right now to being miserable. I am still on the side of not caring about self harming. I do wish I had never promised RS. I had trouble taking my medication last night. I just was thinking wtf is the point. But I filled my box for the week and took the nightly handful. I had negative thoughts about those meds in my possession but it is what it is.

Good for you for using your meds! Your will be okay, you're already heading in a better direction with taking your meds and the soon appt.

Work is proving to be very difficult indeed and I will probably make up some excuse to leave after special (2:15p).

I think it's amazing that you're going for the day.