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Originally Posted by Undecidedhubby
Yes it is important. She is very supportive of my financial situation and everything else I have been doing for past 3 years as being sober but when its comes to topic of sex/dating while we are waiting to seperate, that's when things go south. Just for saying sake , she will vent and indicate Go ahead and sleep with whoever you want as long as it doesn't affect the kids. We are both stuck at this. I don't wanna do anything that will make it worse . Whatever I have put in for past 3 years in order to rebuild from ground up . But that ship has sailed . She senses we are not even connected emotionally so physically its no hope at all. Currently my only outlet to my physical needs are self pleasure and I use porn at times to give me that break from all this stress to which she objects but what are my options? Sad part is my SO thinks I am hypersexual and addicted to sex. She says she has needs too and where does she go?? she wont go and vent to a therapist . It's me to blame for everything and me to vent . I am trying to improve my financial situation by getting weekend jobs.
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You sound angry and placing the blame for not wanting to work it out on her shoulders. The truth is that you are the one who cheated. It seems she went through a lot of stuff with you *excluding* the cheating. So, can you blame her for feeling betrayed, let down, angry (or whatever else she may be feeling) and not wanting to vent to a therapist?! That is her right. Your decision was to cheat on her. Well, hers is to process this betrayal how she sees fit.
Saying "
I’ve been monogamous for most of my marriage for 2 decades until all doors were shut down on me" does not make it any better. One, it means you cheated on her more than once. Secondly, IF there were intimacy issues, there were other ways to work on these than for you to cheat on her. Saying ''
all doors were shut down on me'' again places the responsibility of *your* actions onto another i.e. her fault or '
she made me cheat'. You had a choice to stick to your wedding vows... or not. You made that decision. Nobody forced you to cheat.
So yes, the ship has sailed because she can no longer trust you. Credit to her for still supporting you and not wanting to jeopardise your future. But you ought to take some accountability for your actions. She is not the one who 'stepped' out on you.