I saw my therapist today and contacted my pdoc (so did my therapist). We did a depression scale and this is as bad as it's been in years. My pdoc is going to get my Emsam increased although this will take a couple of weeks since the patient assistance has to send it to her (not me) and then they send it to me. But it is likely to work and work quickly and until then I can keep using the higher dose 3x/week and the dose I've been on the other days.

I've managed to convince myself my therapist is leaving. I have no reasons that I can't argue with but I'm still fighting. I may have to call to ask him although finding out on a 15 minute phone call would be horrible so I probably won't. And like I said the reality is that I have no real proof, just knowledge of a health problem and a couple other things that were slightly off lately. I guess I'll find out next week.

I'm tired. I feel so weird; I feel very depressed but I also don't feel nearly as awful as I have in the past. This makes me wonder if I really am depressed. Of course I am or my therapist and pdoc wouldn't notice it too but it's annoying to constantly be checking myself.


This will end. I know it will. I sure do wish I could go to the pharmacy and pick up Emsam without it costing half my month's pay or something. I don't really know the cost but it's a lot.