Thanks for your reply. To clarify: I came to her about all my exploits the day she found out and have been sober since . I never blamed her for anything and was only trying to be emphatic to her situation that I put her in. I take full blame and responsibility for my stepping out. But it takes to to tango . Yes it was my decision to cheat . The void was only physical. When I said all doors were closed on me .. This is after years of discussion, being attention to the topic. Till date I have never asked her to do anything that she doesn’t want to. We both love sex and it just died over the years . Brought up counselling multiple times to no avail. And now just because I pulled the trigger first , the entire blame is me for not worked on intimacy issues . This too I owner and attended couple therapy sessions but she continued to be stuck in the past . Finally I do respect her decision to separate and it will be amicable separation. Yes I am thankful and appreciate her helping financially although she is just lending me money which I don’t have problem paying every dime and penny back to her . She says she has emotional and physical needs too.. who should she go and sleep with?? I even told her if she had done what I did , I would forgive her but she has hard time believing me.