Let me assure you first.You don't have any mental disorder I am pretty much sure about that.You are staring at the reality of life,people in the face.Once you see it,you can't unsee anymore.You are tired and also grief stricken that you have no deep human connections you seek.You have obligations but no reciprocity. You are an eternal giver and people pleaser.Usually this kind of person is used and abused by selfish pricks,until the person wakes up to the reality.You have woken up from your sleep.Stay strong and make necessary changes for your own sanity.Good luck to you.