Quote:
Originally Posted by East17
I'm pleased you've been able to get an initial appointment with another T.
I know how scary it feels to go from having had regular therapy long-term to nothing, and I'm not suggesting that you shouldn't have a backup plan just in case things don't work out with potential new T. However, going back to Dr T isn't really the solution is it, because you'd just be getting more of the same.
In terms of whether you keep the remaining sessions with him, you can always say you need to take a break now, and wait until after your session with new T on Tuesday to see how you feel. Or if that doesn't seem manageable, perhaps keep the Friday and/or Monday sessions with him but steer the conversation to safer ground, like around your D for example.
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Thanks, East. I do feel like I should have some sort of backup plan--maybe keep looking for new T's (or have a list ready) in case it doesn't feel right with this one. She seemed great in the 30-minute consultation, and maybe this is a weird comparison, but I've been on my share of first dates that have seemed good, then the second (or third or fourth) date is like "Nope!" Or if I realize I do need a T with *some* sort of outside contact option (not necessarily email, but something like a brief phone call).
Right now, I'm thinking I'll keep at least the Friday session and do my best to just focus on D (or whatever else may be going on in my outside life). I suspect I'll start randomly crying because I'll want to talk about the relationship, but I'll keep myself from going into that topic.
Depending on how that session goes, I'll decide about Monday's.
I know I could always just email him (his favorite thing!) and say I'm taking a break for x amount of time (like a few weeks, a couple months). But I'd rather say that in person. In part so we can have a discussion about it, as he'd probably just reply to the email with "OK" or something.
This may be completely delusional of me, but I sort of hope, before I were to take a break or possibly terminate entirely, we can be on slightly better terms. I really don't want things to end this way after >5 years. Like I'd prefer it if we could have a conversation on "This relationship doesn't seem to be working for either of us right now, so it's time for me to try something else."
I partly want to be more calm and rational about it, not leaving in tears and running to another T, if that makes sense. To not be like, "What you said Monday hurt me, so I'm running away to see someone who is basically the opposite of you. Take that!"
But to be more like, "I don't think this relationship is meeting my needs or helping me right now. You've helped me quite a bit over the past 5 years, and I thank you for that. But I need a change. This is just what I need to do to help me grow and move forward. I hope you can respect that."
And maybe have him wish me well and say I'm welcome back if I change my mind. But I know I have no control over what he says.
I know it might not make sense why that difference matters to me. And maybe I can't achieve it. Maybe I'll just end up sitting in a ball sobbing, saying how he hurt me and I love him and then sort of slinking out the door, unable to look at him as he shakes my hand. But I think I need to try. For me.
Sorry, that ended up being a novel!