Warning: The entire post might be a trigger for some of you

Hello my friends! Been a while since I posted here. I recently had a bizarre experience and I am sorely in need of some perspective from you.
For those who don’t know or remember me, I
am a 41 year old single woman. I have a social group I hang out with. It is a mixed group of single and married people – old school friends – but spouses are not included.

During recent hangouts I talked a bit with a married friend, and was slightly attracted to him, but there was nothing more to it. He asked me out for lunch one day. I said ok, let’s go to X restaurant. He said “I was thinking Y restaurant.” I said ok, I’ll be there at 12. He said “no, I’ll pick you up on the way”.

He picked me up and said 12 was too early for lunch so why don’t we hang out a bit at his place? I said yes out of politeness, since he was a friend and I trusted him, maybe? That was mistake no. 1. We go to his place and talk for some time. I suggest we get moving but he keeps stalling. He keeps pestering me to have a drink with him. I kept refusing but in the end I relented and asked him to make me a small one. Mistake no. 2.

I don’t know whether the drink was stiff or whether it was because I drank on an empty stomach but I began to feel drowsy just after a few sips. That was when he kissed me. I didn’t push him away but kissed him back (maybe because I was slightly attracted to him?). He moved us to his bed. I felt very happy because I was sleepy, and here was a bed! But he didn’t let me sleep and kept kissing me. Then I felt him lift up my top and grope me. This somewhat brought me to my senses.

Now his house was a little far off from town and I depended on him for the ride back. Besides, I don’t know why but I thought “If I push him off and he gets angry and kills me and dumps me somewhere nobody will ever know”. So I decided to sweet talk him out of it. I said “You are a handsome guy and if we go any further I might fall in love with you. That won’t be fun for you since you have a wife” etc. He keeps convincing me otherwise but I kept saying "no" over and over. I kept pushing his hands away from my body until I sufficiently recovered my senses, shoved him off entirely and got off the bed.

He then orders some takeaway. We eat and then he finally takes his car out. He extends his hand towards me on the way back and I comply so as not to upset him. He says he will someday take me to a plush hotel where we can spend the night and I agree, while vowing never to talk to him once I reach a safe place. In the end I see the familiar sights and almost stumble out of his car.

This was a few days ago and I am very confused. I feel outraged and violated but -
1. He didn’t forcefully take me to his place, I agreed to his suggestion voluntarily
2. He didn’t shove the drink down my throat, I gave in to his pestering
3. When he kissed me I didn’t shove him off at first and kissed him back
4. He didn’t try to force me once I got off the bed and made it clear that I didn’t wish to sleep with him

I dunno, maybe my people skills are poor? But I am not exactly a teenager and these things aren’t supposed to happen at 41, right? Maybe I should have been a lot more forthright? I feel disgusted by his actions, but am I overreacting? I don’t know how to behave with him at our next group meet. Continue like nothing happened? Is that the mature way to be?