LT I just want to comment on the no emails thing with your new T. Originally my T didn’t allow outside contact but after a couple of months he quickly realised that it may be a good way for me to express what I was feeling as I struggled so much to tell him verbally.

So for a while I would email and he would reply briefly, but it did become a massive problem because his responses were never enough for me. I either freaked out because it took him a while to reply or the words he used were never enough to soothe me.

I made the decision to stop emailing (partly because I didn’t actually realise all of these emails were being put in to my file which I didn’t like the idea of) and I have to say it has actually been a positive thing.

I’ve still written stuff down but I’ve taken it to the session which has actually forced me to talk about it more than what I would have done if I had emailed it.
I thought I would find it really hard and painful to not send him emails when I was highly distressed and not have his name keeping popping up in my inbox, but I guess it has helped me to have to sit with those feelings. It also reduced some of the anxiety and paranoia about his feelings towards me and did help with stopping misunderstandings and reduced the amount of conflict we were having. I realise emails were great on one level but a cause of so many other problems that I then had to deal with without him being present.

I still get some outside contact from him - we agreed that he would send one text between sessions to just remind me that he is still there and I am allowed to respond if I want to, but on the understanding that he won’t get in to a back and forth exchange. This had worked well, it helped me to keep some form of connection to him but in a very simple and less intense way. The problem came when he forgot to text one time and I was completely devastated and furious with him as I felt so rejected and abandoned.
But maybe that might be something future therapists are open to if it is kept very boundaried?