I’m not sure I’ll be able to avoid self harm today. I’m going to work so at least I won’t have an opportunity to 7.5 hours. I am hoping beyond hope the ECT department calls me back today. I’m going to have to go IP, I know it, they won’t let me leave with these thoughts in my head.

I’m going to call the dept over and over again until someone picks up. I’m desperate. I can’t live like this, I’m in danger at this point. I don’t want to go to the psych er bc they could send me anywhere they damn well please and I don’t want to do ECT anywhere but my trusted hospital. One time last year they sent me to the worst ****ing hospital possible and then they just sent me over to my hospital anyway.

I just want to cry.