Thank you. I do know, & I am well aware.

I am weakening. I am alone and scared. I spend my days all alone, freaking out by myself.

And here he is, offering an escape, his love and support.

I cannot do this.... I am not equipped to handle this situation all by myself. I am leaning on him more. He is contacting me more. It feels good to not be so alone with just my thoughts all the time.

My husband has seen me through many of my worst times - suicidal thoughts, unemployment, a hospitalization, a second mental/emotional breakdown, and the loss of my father. He has stepped up to the plate to help each time, although not perfectly because he faltered a couple times. And here I am, unemployed again.

Once when I was feeling suicidal and heading to the mall, he left his work to be with me for the day. He took me away from all my stress and helped me. When I was in the hospital, he was golden. He talked to me and texted me all day every day, whenever I needed to talk.

Lately, I have been facing so many problems that I am overwhelmed and shut down. My world is caving in around me, and I cannot breathe. I am in survival mode, but I am breaking down. I cannot bear all the stress.

I have had 5 dentist appointments so far in the last month to take care of much needed major dental work. I have 1 more appointment next week, so that will be 6 in total.

Interviewing hasn't been going that well. I am getting interviews, but I am not making it past the 1st rounds.

I don't understand why this is happening. Did God place me in this situation so that I can do it differently this time, or did he place me in the exact same situation again to realize that I actually do need my husband? I am SO confused.