I’m carelessly losing things left and right; first my jacket, now my ear buds. Maybe the earbuds were loose in the jacket. This makes me feel incompetent and want to cling back to him. I am still so mixed in my feelings. Looking forward to therapy today to delve in deeper. Plus, my mother discarded me yesterday, told me she never wants to speak to me again, because my sister fought with her and threw me under the bus including me in her criticism towards mom. Yes, we had a text discussing how difficult mom was being (she’s completely hysterical 24/7) but I said to not upset her any longer and let her act helpless. My sister couldn’t wait to call her and do just the opposite. It feels beyond awful to be trying to be an emotionally supportive daughter who is trying to help her situation in how I can and have her devalue and discard me. But I know now that if I call today, Mom will act like nothing happened. This is who she is. It took me until now to finally understand this and distance myself from the emotions.