I'm sorry you've had to be reminded of this person whom you might wish had never existed.

I guess I'm odd, in that I don't agree with this idea that it's good to forgive those who have severely harmed us. I don't even know what that means. I can see forgiving someone who expresses genuine remorse and wishes to make amends as best they can. Sure - I'll do that in a heartbeat. Then there are those who aren't sorry and would commit their offense all over again, if they had half a chance. Why the he!! would I forgive someone in that category?

"Well, forgiving is supposed to be good for the forgiver." How so? Not if there's no thought or intelligence behind the forgiving - IMO. I'm not saying to go around feeding the fire of hate. That's letting the abuser live rent-free in your head. I think the ideal outcome is to have this person no longer prominent in your thoughts because you've got better things to think about. That's my idea of "moving on."

You don't have to forgive to be able to move on. I would leave the forgiving to the Almighty, who knows men's hearts. In no way are you failing to deal with what happened by not forgiving. Forgiving, in this matter of yours, is not your obligation or your responsibility. Taking care of yourself is.

Try to live in the now. This abuser is still out there. I take it you are not available to be further abused by this individual. That's good. You have survived . . . so far. You have a right to decide to ignore this person. That might not be easy to do. Still, I'ld focus more on ignoring than on forgiving. This person is unworthy of your being in your thoughts.