I don't believe that God intends for me to be abused, or for me to realize I need a man, or in particular, an abusive one. I never said that.

I just don't know why God placed this man in my path, or why God has made it nearly impossible for me to fully walk away due to repetitive life circumstances. If God intends for me to learn a lesson, fine, but why has God created circumstances that are making it impossible to move on? BOTH times I've tried to leave????

My husband is now claiming that he "gets it" and that he has changed for the better, in realizing where he went wrong with me. He sang this exact tune the LAST time we got back together. He said back then that he "gets it", that his behaviors came from his father, that he is ashamed of how he has acted, that he will ONLY treat me with respect and love from now on. He even promised God and Jesus this. Then, he broke his promise yet again, by fighting with me incessantly for over a month, taking his stress & issues out all on me and insulting me through the process. So, again, he is now saying he "gets it", that his behaviors came from his father, and that he was too thick headed to absorb this at the time when I told him his behaviors were unacceptable.

And correction: I have lots of acquaintances. But these people are not my close friends. I don't hang out with them 1:1 outside the music scene. I know plenty of people, but my closest friends are all out of state except for 1 girlfriend. I have another girlfriend who is also local to me, but we're in such different phases of life that we never see each other.