On a different subject or back to the same subject, I feel safe with my husband and also unsafe and uncertain. I am trying to discern my feelings and true emotions here.

We went to dinner last night, and it was nice. I felt safe and comfortable as friends, and we had some good laughs together. At the same time, the thought of being with him again romantically makes me feel unsafe and extremely uncertain.

I could be friends with him, but I don't think I can get involved again.

And my mother JUST reminded me of the behaviors that make me feel unsafe. And the truth is, I don't know when those behaviors will creep into the mix again, making things very unstable and uncertain.

My mother is on vacation with a good friend of hers - her college roommate that she's known for 55+ years. This friend of hers is flying off the handle, at least once per day, becoming aggressive, antagonistic, abusive and bullying towards my mother. We just talked about it and I helped her to come up with an offense for the next time it happens. I told my mom she needs tools in her toolkit for how to handle the next incident. My mother now lives in fear of the next incident, walking on eggshells with her friend.

This is exactly what happens in the abusive relationship. And no matter what my husband says about his newfound perspective and epiphanies, I cannot trust that he will not repeat the behaviors in a different way, I cannot live with the mistrust inside myself towards him, and I cannot live with the uncertainty and fear of repeated patterns.

So, I have my answers.