These feelings of anxiety tend to happen when learning how to finally have boundaries.

Your wife has made a choice to end the marriage. Your wife has made other choices in terms of abusing alcohol and getting involved with women who encourage her to blame men and even start lying and accusing you of doing things you never did. Plus you never knew what her mood was going to be. That tends to be typical with alcohol use disorder. Included in that is her loss of memory as that too occurs with drinking too much alcohol.

If you were to attend Alanon meetings you would meet others who can identify with everything you have shared, including lamenting about just wanting your partner to be the person you wanted to love and have a family with.

Now that she is not in your environment you will start to see the unhealthy affects she had on you. Your sons are also experiencing these same challenges.

Take it one day at a time and continue to work on allowing yourself to have boundaries. Ironically you are not alone in this very challenge just in this forum alone.