I can DEFINITELY empathize with you given my own history and present situation. My fantasy parallels yours too.

Sadly I have not found a solution so I cannot offer any helpful ideas. Hopefully others here will have helpful words for both of us. I am just taking things day by day.

It must be difficult living in New York City. Since I live in a more rural area that creates different kinds of challenges. My heart goes out to you and I hope things improve for you.