Your friend has obviously never had to deal with grief or what it is like to be in a wheel chair!

I happen to think you are a rather wonderful chap trying to deal with many issues all at once. Do what YOU feel you need to do for now. Allow yourself to grieve. And know that there are many people here who think muchly of you. We can't all be wrong if we are all saying you are a good person.

Thinking of you (((((((((((((((( Griffe )))))))))))))))))))