Both my mom and my grandma have told me that "You're an adult now, you don't need to inform the other what you do, just listen and do what you want to do and try not to please everyone because it's YOUR life."

I do admit, I try very hard to please both my mom and my grandma, yet they both have very conflicting views of each other, and yet I try to please them both at the same time. If I try to please them both, one gets disappointed more than the other. They also complain I try to "poll" them both which leaves us all miserable.

I don't get how I can be my own person and still please my mom and my grandma. I often feel like an alien, most definitely the black sheep of the family. How do I please them both while putting myself first and doing what makes me happy like an adult? Is it wrong to be 30 and still wanting to please your family???